You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
