dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
