I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
