just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
