I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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