What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
