Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
