her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
babies were throwing up all over the place
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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