We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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