I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
