My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
