I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
