Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
