this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
