I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
