What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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