so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
