she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
