Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
