and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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