Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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