I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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