This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
