and she was petting her beer can
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
