I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
