Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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