p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
