How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
