To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
