carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
