o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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