thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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