Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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