Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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