and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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