i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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