Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
