so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you made out with another girl for some wings
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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