Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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