hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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