that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Im part way to drunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
