Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
