I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
