I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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