the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
