apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
