That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
