All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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