I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
