Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
