I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
