She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think people are normalizing furries
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
