you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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