He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
