you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
