thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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