He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
