I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
