look no pants
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize