So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I currently don't understand fingers.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
