and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
