I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
