I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
