I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
