As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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