Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
