I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ladies don't puke and tell
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
