So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
