Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
