in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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