You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
