How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
