Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
