I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
