Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
