I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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