you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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