I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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