You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
